Mister & Miss Right

We have all had our fair share of relationship roller coaster rides ... whether or not that person is The One, no one knows. I always felt that it would be so much better if we all had a crystal ball that could tell what would happen next so that we won't even bother wasting our time making the first wrong move. But then again, there goes all the excitement and meaningful discovering period. It's always exciting ain't it .. like a rollercoaster ride .. exhillarating, but too much of it is bad for the heart.

Men always ask, what do we women want? Seems like we're some kind of complicated species, and the men overrate themselves as the SimpleOne. Duhh~ Yea, we women don't know what we want, not in the sense as we have completely no idea, but we want so many things that we don't know how to put them in order. It's just like walking into a shoe store .. we don't know which to get, coz we want em all. So we have a problem in setting priority with the wants. And we want the impossible. The ultimate impossible. Getting them to think like us. Good luck on that.

We're just different, accept it. And Men will never come from Venus. Vise-versa, men should also accept that Women will never come from Mars. We'll all just have to wait for some kind of hybrid to exist. Good hybrids. Not "confused" hybrids.

A mail came in and have been wanting to share this inspiring thought with you peeps for the longest time ever, but ever since the internet at home is so screwed, coupled with the work-dementia-syndrome I've been suffering lately, my inspiration to write has gone downhill. I can't exactly be "inspired" to blog during working hours rite. Too much in the head. See, even this is going off track now. This is bad.

Rewind. Back in line.

How Do I Know If I Married The Right Person?

or be with the right person for that matters.

This question has been weighing on everyone's mind even though all has been rosey posey. There's some kind of uncertainty which we call the Risk Factor.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse / partner . You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit).

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called 'falling' in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet". Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU .

Falling in love is easy . It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship . Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown . People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

The key to succeeding in marriage is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "The Labor of Love". Because it takes time, effort, and energy . And most importantly, it takes WISDOM . You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage. Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can "make" love.

Love in marriage is indeed a 'decision'... Not just a feeling.

Remember this always:
God determines who walks into your life.

It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.

That's all for now from the Love Guru 101.