So much has happened during the year.
Ups and downs, good and bad.
I only have my closest friends to thank for being there for me and being so ever patient while I pour out my sorrows and whine like it's the end of the world. And there's also my mom who also has been there for me, patiently enduring my fiery temper and mood swings. After 26 years, I think she has gotten numb. And a loving man who finally understands me.
It has been rather lonely these days.
Coming to work has been like my daily routine of reporting to the detention center. 9 months of solitary confinement on the first floor has brought out the alter ego in me ... bad alter ego a.k.a. psychopathic syndrome. With my psychotic partner in crime who has left for happening-therapy in Melbourne, childhood mate with an new job that requires OT almost every single day, bestie in Singapore, bestiesss and hunny-bunny-boos and pinkies in KL, and a frequent flyer jet-setting neighbour .. "pouring out my sorrows" has been quite of a problem, done inefficiently via MSN.
I turned to God.
I know it's very weird, or even borderlining insulting, coming from someone who doesn't go to church or the temple, or do routine prayers, etc. I'm a so-called atheist. So-called. Not one.
This is my theory.
Firstly, I do believe in Him. The Almight One.
And because his "organization" i.e. the world is so big .. he can't see to every single person's calling out to him. Hence, he formed "departments" i.e. religions, with "department directors" i.e. respective faiths, to make sure everyone is in line. Ultimately, there is only one God. And the underlying rule is the Do Good and Be Good.
I've heard my aunt who is strong faith believer in Christianity or Catholic, going on and on for the last decade or so, about seeking help from God and the "miracle wonders" that has happened. I've heard of the different "miracle wonders" from different faiths as well.
Somehow it didn't occur to me to turn to Him whenever I was at my lowest. Part of me felt hypocritical and self-centered for seeking his help when I only needed it. Until one fine day .. last week, while driving back from work, I talked to him. Sincerely I wanted him to hear me. And I poured out everything to him. I didn't ask for a miracle. I only asked for strength in keeping my hopes and faiths alive. Somehow after that half hour long session of talking had my burden lifted off from me. I felt a sense of relief, a feeling that I have searching for for the past several months. I found back the happy self that I was. I did pray for Joanne as well, I hope she feels the same too.
Yesterday I talked to God again. And I thank him for listening to me.
Many would think this is absurd or just mere coincidence. I chose neither. I chose to believe him. And I believe he is there welcoming us with open arms no matter how many times we have said no to him.
Sorry for the preaching. Please do not misunderstand that I am creating a new "department" that reports directly to him. My job at Head Office level has required me to get things done chop-chop and reporting directly to the highest level of authority. Maybe one day I will find myself being part of one of the many departments. At the mean time, I'll just continue to keep the faith. I hope everyone out there who are at their lowest to also keep the faith and to be patient. As God has everything planned out for a reason. We just have to see the bigger picture. And if possible, the picture after that.
Till then .... remember to Do Good ... and Be Good.
Christmas is coming .. I've been Good ... very very Good ..
will I get a really good prezzie? =)
Ups and downs, good and bad.
I only have my closest friends to thank for being there for me and being so ever patient while I pour out my sorrows and whine like it's the end of the world. And there's also my mom who also has been there for me, patiently enduring my fiery temper and mood swings. After 26 years, I think she has gotten numb. And a loving man who finally understands me.
It has been rather lonely these days.
Coming to work has been like my daily routine of reporting to the detention center. 9 months of solitary confinement on the first floor has brought out the alter ego in me ... bad alter ego a.k.a. psychopathic syndrome. With my psychotic partner in crime who has left for happening-therapy in Melbourne, childhood mate with an new job that requires OT almost every single day, bestie in Singapore, bestiesss and hunny-bunny-boos and pinkies in KL, and a frequent flyer jet-setting neighbour .. "pouring out my sorrows" has been quite of a problem, done inefficiently via MSN.
I turned to God.
I know it's very weird, or even borderlining insulting, coming from someone who doesn't go to church or the temple, or do routine prayers, etc. I'm a so-called atheist. So-called. Not one.
This is my theory.
Firstly, I do believe in Him. The Almight One.
And because his "organization" i.e. the world is so big .. he can't see to every single person's calling out to him. Hence, he formed "departments" i.e. religions, with "department directors" i.e. respective faiths, to make sure everyone is in line. Ultimately, there is only one God. And the underlying rule is the Do Good and Be Good.
I've heard my aunt who is strong faith believer in Christianity or Catholic, going on and on for the last decade or so, about seeking help from God and the "miracle wonders" that has happened. I've heard of the different "miracle wonders" from different faiths as well.
Somehow it didn't occur to me to turn to Him whenever I was at my lowest. Part of me felt hypocritical and self-centered for seeking his help when I only needed it. Until one fine day .. last week, while driving back from work, I talked to him. Sincerely I wanted him to hear me. And I poured out everything to him. I didn't ask for a miracle. I only asked for strength in keeping my hopes and faiths alive. Somehow after that half hour long session of talking had my burden lifted off from me. I felt a sense of relief, a feeling that I have searching for for the past several months. I found back the happy self that I was. I did pray for Joanne as well, I hope she feels the same too.
Yesterday I talked to God again. And I thank him for listening to me.
Many would think this is absurd or just mere coincidence. I chose neither. I chose to believe him. And I believe he is there welcoming us with open arms no matter how many times we have said no to him.
Sorry for the preaching. Please do not misunderstand that I am creating a new "department" that reports directly to him. My job at Head Office level has required me to get things done chop-chop and reporting directly to the highest level of authority. Maybe one day I will find myself being part of one of the many departments. At the mean time, I'll just continue to keep the faith. I hope everyone out there who are at their lowest to also keep the faith and to be patient. As God has everything planned out for a reason. We just have to see the bigger picture. And if possible, the picture after that.
Till then .... remember to Do Good ... and Be Good.
Christmas is coming .. I've been Good ... very very Good ..
will I get a really good prezzie? =)
1 comment:
Ahhh..religion, my fav subject. Firstly, The Almighty God is supposed to be omnipotent, so theoretically, he should be able to answer any and everyone's prayers...but alas HE (or SHE as the case may be coz it's pretty hard to imagine God being as dumb as most men obviously are) does not do so. I guess it isn't as much a question of whether God can answer, but more a question of whether HE/SHE wants to! It's not that I think God is an entity of malevolence, but I just find it hard to believe Him/Her to be of benevolent character either..what with all the sh*% that's happening in the World today. I mean, one's got to be pretty darn heartless to have turned a blind eye as much as He/She has. Or maybe, it's just plain and simple indifference..who the hell knows anymore..
You know what I always say? Have faith..but not blind faith!
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